Once Upon An El-Rufai…



He was fiery and flaring. An enfant terrible! Tragically, that is no more. He is no longer any of those. That was once. The fire in him is out. The glow is long gone. Sad. He’s dropped to a pitiable shadow of his old blazing self. Mallam Nasir El-Rufai is it. He is currently struggling to hold sway in Kaduna State as governor.

The dawn is cast. He is extremely low in spirit, completely downcast. Utterly dejected. He lost his feigned steam. Sure, this is not his best of times. The supposedly flaming governor is doleful and miserable. He sounds defeatist. He is going down fast.

The centre won’t hold any longer for him. His Kaduna State is under serious alarm. There’s no need for control because there is no stopping it so soon.

He is battered, shattered. His ego is altered and brutally bruised. Intense frustration is written all over him. He wears a long face with depressive expression. Distressed and disheartened.

He can’t pretend to hide. He frontally displayed it in his leaked memo to President Muhammadu Buhari. He did not care a hoot. He was open and beggarly. He wrote that memo as if someone cast a spell on him. But he was not ensnared or deceived. Nor was he tricked. He did it in the face of the disturbing realities on the ground.

El-Rufai could not endure it anymore. It has reached the climax, a major turning point. His memo was a clever underhand means to achieve an end. He opened up. He told Buhari in clear terms: “Terrorists are (fast) creating a parallel governing authority in government.” This is frightening and alarming.

He gave details: “Observed movement patterns and intercepted communications of migrating terrorists have shown a clear interest in setting up a base, with the stretches of forest area between Kaduna and Niger states strongly considered.”

His sterling revelations: “The insurgents enacted a law in the district, banning all forms of political activities or campaigns ahead of the 2023 elections, especially in Madobiya and Kazage villages.

“According to actionable intelligence, members of the Jama’atu Ansarul Musulmina Fi’biladis Sudan (aka Ansaru) hibernating in Kuyello district of Birnin Gwari LG, recently conducted a nuptial ceremony during which they married two yet-to-be-identified female residents of
Kuyello village.

“The ceremony was attended by various Ansaru members and witnessed by residents of the area. After the marital rites, insurgents in attendance reportedly conveyed the brides to the dreaded Kuduru forest, in the same district.”

El-Rufai is in deep shit. He is in dire need of urgent rescue. He is at the lowest ebb. Nothing else can be so bad for him. He is in the deepest bottomless pit. Terrorists are making burning hell out of Kaduna. Does he need to be pitied? Great doubt. He pointedly asked for it. His legion of antecedents sold him out. The reason he went down on his knees. He had no viable choice. He swallowed his stinking vomit of more than seven years. He couldn’t sustain the fire in him. He failed to walk his careless talk. Huge shame!

He crashed from “top to bottom.” This is what he spewed recklessly in 2015. He practically threw up: “We have no apologies for pointing out to Nigerians that this (Goodluck Jonathan) government is incompetent and has failed to provide security. If you say we are politicising it,
fix the problem so that we cannot politicise it, okay?”

El-Rufai spoke in the hot build-up to the 2015 general elections. They were desperate for power. So? Everyone that called himself somebody in the opposition then was running his mouth uncontrollably. El-Rufai was not an exception.

They were short-sighted. They never imagined today. Now that today has come. They are caught up in the mess. See what terrorists made out of Kaduna State. Even under the watch of the same El-Rufai. He is clearly living on the edge. He’s daily being hunted, haunted and hurt by his ugly shadow. He has no place to hide. His state is severely hot for him. Terrorists are closing in on him speedily. He has been forced out of his comfortable cocoon. That is not pleasant by any standard. And he pretends not. The evil that men do lives with them now. His is a classical case study. What comes around goes around. So be it with El-Rufai.

And his co-travellers! Pity El-Rufai. His mind-blowing memo didn’t impress Buhari. So it appeared. The President stubbornly insisted: “Nigerians are very happy with our policies, improving lives since 2015.” How did he mean? He still asserted: “Since our assumption of office in 2015, our administration has introduced several poverty reduction and youth empowerment programmes, which are making concrete improvements in the living standards of our people.”

We cannot be swayed by Buhari’s claim. We remain unperturbed. This report puts a huge spanner in the works for Buhari; a big doubt on the President’s assertion. In fact, it rubbishes it. It literally takes the Presidency to the cleaners. This report explicitly depicts how much Buhari has improved our lives: “Nigerians have endured a harrowing economic crunch in the last seven years with the country twice falling into recession and being named the poverty capital of the world, according to a report of the

Brookings Institution
“A World Bank report projected that the number of poor Nigerians has increased by 14.7 per cent over the last four years and could hit 95.1 per cent by yearend.

“Yet, the Buhari regime maintains that it has lifted 10.5 million Nigerians out of poverty between 2019 and 2021.”

Wonders shall not end. And never in Nigeria! This is how happy we have been in the last seven horrible years. We’re joyous in the midst of miseries. We pray that our years of afflictions run into a sudden end. Even now!

Born-again Oshiomhole?
Then this master double-speak and loudmouth did it again. He was in his usual weird element one more time. And he showcased the hard stuff he’s made of.

The terrain wasn’t strange to him. He treads it all the time and at all times. That Thursday couldn’t have been different. Nobody asked him. He was not prompted in any way. All the same, he made his honest confessions.

Like his co-party man, El-Rufai, Adams Oshiomhole couldn’t hold back. It’s a further confirmation that the evil men do lives with them. The former national chairman, All Progressives Congress (APC), saw reason to admit. He strived hard to undo all that he did against former President Goodluck Jonathan. This is how Oshiomhole now sees him: “You (Jonathan) left legacies even though I had cause to fight because it is politics. The legacy you left, there is no successor who can afford to do less. You have set a standard that none of your successors can afford to go below.”

Oshiomhole was choked up. So, he had to vomit all: “Part of your (Jonathan) legacies was when you launched the Almajiri schools. Your thought was that no Nigerian child should be left on the street and you appropriated special funds.

“No one is appreciated until he or she leaves office.”

Is Oshiomhole truly born-again or born-against? Time will tell.

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